Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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