considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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