hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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