There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
