I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
