Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
