I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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