I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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