so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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