If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
