haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
