they need to just BURY HIM!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
