Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Who died my cat blue again?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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