just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
