Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
