I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
