Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
