I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
