Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
