You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
