that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
