Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
