Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
