just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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