in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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