So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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