Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
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There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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