Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
