I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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