Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
