Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
