they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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