We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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