I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
