he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
