am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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