Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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