he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
