i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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