I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
