Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
