what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
