so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
