So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
