I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
