...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
