the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
