maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
