I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
