Do you still have your period?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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