"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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