Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
