We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
