Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
