the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
