i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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