that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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