How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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