I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
