we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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