All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
