she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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