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I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am naked and annoyed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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