hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
