Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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