you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
