He kissed a someone with a penis
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
