This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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