There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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