Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
