We're facebook friends in real life
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
