Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
