I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
