I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
