I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize