How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
