I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
