make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
