out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had to cum in my sink.
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