i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
