i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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