I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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