just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
