I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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